Wet Paint Page This page is devoted to works-in progress - Terry Bailey
My father died on February 17, 2005 My mother called two days after his memorial service
To tell me that
My father had an IQ of 157
But, when I was eleven,
And they tested my IQ,
I was off all their charts.
I asked my mother why she waited to share this with me
Until five days after my father died,
Why did they not tell me when I was a kid.
She told me she couldn't remember.
I have only told two of my closest friends - Joe and Chris.
It felt like trying on a flamboyantly colored dress for the first time
In front of them.
Me, who is used to wearing subdued tones,
So as not to stand out.
Private me,
Who is accustomed to expressing myself through my art,
Not myself, my person.
Now I seem to be telling the world.
This is a very big piece of life data news,
And it will take me some time, I am sure, to process it.
On the night my mother made this dislosure to me,
I painted this Sad Girl Series.
The Rev. Al Sharpton said Sunday it was the "most shocking" news of his life when the civil rights leader learned he was a descendant of a slave owned by relatives of Strom Thurmond, the late senator who once led the segregationist South. . ."
Rev. Sharpton said he was experiencing, "Everything from anger and outrage to reflection, and to some pride and glory."
The geneologist who presented him with this news said, "It's one thing to know or suspect perhaps your ancestors were slaves," she said, "but it makes it much more real when you hear names and find out how they were related to you."
For two years I have struggled with my mother's disclosure to me, upon my father's death, about my measured intelligence. The words in the Los Angeles Times article about the Reverend Sharpton describe most clearly what my own feelings and reactions have been.
The Rev Sharpton concluded that " it makes me feel my destiny was to fight for civil rights, and do what my great-grandfather wanted me to do."
I believe it was my destiny to read the words about the Rev. Sharpton and to come to some sense of peace that my story, too, is my destiny, and that it was part of my destiny to read this story and to see in simple terms what I have been experiencing these last two years.
Yes, I have felt anger and outrage, reflection, pride and glory.
Each of these digital paintings is @18 nches by 18 inches. They will be printed on water color paper by Duganne Ateliers in Santa Monica, and sold as Limited Edition (of 25) Prints.
The most important story link for me though, was the geneologist's observation about it being one thing to suspect, and another to be given the facts. Of course I suspected, but "real" is much more meaningful, profound. It clears up so many things, so many experiences - and it is shocking. One thing that terrified me after my mother's disclosure was that I would never know the truth as to why this fact of my being was hidden from me. One psychologist with whom I spoke concluded that my mother was acting under orders from my father to keep this secret, and under guilt and a sense of freedom upon his death, she disclosed it to me. A girlfriend assumed that my mother was trying to protect my father and his self esteem during his life time. It truly bothered me that I might never know the truth. My father is dead now, and my mother suffering from dementia.
But, I have figured it out to my satisfaction now. Thank goodness for our ability to reflect and remember experiences forgotten and suppressed. Few people experience such a shock as this in their lifetimes. It was not just the fact of my intelligence and what that means (and what that means is huge), but the painful realization that this fact was intentionally kept a secret from me.
I am determined to write about this, and will, once my Light 1.0 multimedia novel has been fully published in its podcast form. The new book will be called Kaleidoscope Woman. The past is, of course the past. It needs to be reflected on, shared. But just as important is to look to the future - what does one do with the disclosure of such a huge and meaningful piece of information?
